Thursday, July 15, 2004

P Diddy dumb did he do? Perhaps, but while there’s no love for Courtney anymore, Slim is fast to Whoopi daisy Cutter over Pussy Prez “hatefest” remar

I got some good feedback on my succinct Celebrity reviews of a couple days back, and I got some good feedback from my guitar at le Rollo rehersal tonight as well. I’m not here to speak Rollo right now though-will just say that we rock and Rollo'd, and fought of course-but we're not going the way of Metallica yet (in regards to therapy), as we hashed it all out on a street corner after slugging only beers at Bar 119. I do think it's ironic though that I'd written here a few times about bad band shit before I saw that article in Sunday's Times; “The Shrinking of the American Band”. Am I spot-on or am I spot- on this thing yo? Here's a quote from the article: "bands' dynamics are similar to those of marriages (in that they relay on long term consensual bonds) and sibling relationships (in that they frequently involve rivalries" nuff said…
So, I'm gonna add more to the short list of celebs I've encountered and the impression (or lack thereof) that they left on me. This may be yet another ongoing feature here, and def. a reason for the one reader of “snot” (beiside myself) to keep tuned in. First I want to say a couple things about 2 "musicians" turned "actors", P Diddy and Courtney Love, and make light, not Whoopi, of the recent Goldberg flap. As to P Diddy (otherwise known as Puff Daddy, Snuff Druggy and Poof He Deady), well, let me just say that I was prepared to dis gladly his performing on the great white way (do they still call it that?) in “Raisin in the Sun”, esp. as I read that he said that not until "the 100th show" was he able to take risks onstage. Then, however, I read how he gave major props to the craft of stage acting/actors in general, saying that they are "underpaid and overworked, and it needs to get better. For 4 hours you turn your life inside out to do this. Nobody -nobody- works harder than actors". Right on P. I love this guy now. I'd give him another 100 runs to get it right if he needed it, just drop Ashton Kutcher as your wheel boy, ok?.... Courtney Love? Well, she falls on the opposite side of the spectrum for me, as she's had more than enough time to prove that she's worth the surgically enhanced slab of flesh that she thrusts in our faces. I don't even pity the fool. Good riddance I say, and thank Godsmack her daughter apparently has someone else to see to her well being these days, instead of being stuck with that freak, who just aint well. Let me just say this: when I recorded with Steve Albini last year, I just had to ask him about certain individuals he'd worked with in the past, one being Ms. Love. Well, he paused for a second, and then said, and I paraphrase: "I've met many, many people over the years doing this, but I have to say that she is by far the worst human being that I have ever met"... Finally, I just wanted to say how sad it is that Whoopi Goldberg (who, along with Hillary Clinton is a woman who’s not speaking primetime at the Dem convention) gets fired by Corporate America for expletives said about Bush (comparing him to a twat, or couter or pussy or something), but Dick Cheney, Mr, Corporate America, can swear at whomever he likes and hold his job (until he figures out a way to remove himself or grow hair to strengthen the GOP ticket). President Pussy missed an opportunity there. Kerry spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter was right to say that “Bush should get his head out of the clouds and address the real need of the American people”, like fixing Cheney and the economy. On that note, I give you some more succinct reviews of celebrities I've come into contact with:

Vincent D'Onofrio- about as cool as they come
Jack Nicholson- cooler
Jon Stewart- somewhere in between the previous 2 on the cool scale
Matt Dillon- bigger head than any big head previously mentioned
Sarah Jessica Parker- looks like a malnourished colt
Juliette Lewis- butt ugly
Governor Pataki- left no impression whatsoever
Steve Buscemi- reminded me of a Steve Buscemi character
Aaron Eckhart- way smaller than you'd think
Joaquin Phoenix- blocky, hair lippy
Robert Redford- a very tan, wrinkled dwarf
Iggy Pop-very cool, wrinkled dwarf
Adam Goldberg- cannot for the life of me understand how this guy keeps booking acting jobs
Ethan Hawke- poseur (I know, I’ve already said that)
Renee Zelwigger- looks even more like a red pucker-faced chipmunk in real life
Bette Middler- an annoying nag
Cindi Lauper- an annoying voice emanates from this woman
Woody Allen- would he be full of himself? Hmmmm…
Conan O'Brien- a veritable giant, with a homohabelius sized noggen ala Jaws in Moonraker
Michael J. Fox- short and shaky (sorry Michael)
Harvey Keitel- profoundly ugly in a striking way
Tommy Lee Jones- see above description of Harvey Keitel
Elle McPherson- I shared a bathroom with her and waited to hear her pee before I went-a testament to her profound beauty
Monica Lewinsky- rotund
Lili Taylor- eats with her hands
Gavin Rosdale- gay

I gotta go to bed now

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