Don't cry for me Paula Abdul... ever, ok? (you leather-faced ex-Laker girl you)

I actually talked a few times on the phone with a chick who's cousin was (is) that pathetic teeny bopper-metal ex-Am Idol Constantine (insert Greek last name here). She and I never have met, but when we were about to arrange to meet for the first time on the horn her cuz was getting to some orange alert Am Idol level or something. We didn't speak again, and then I fortuitously turned the tube on a couple weeks back at the precise moment that he was getting booted. I thought the whole spectacle terribly sad to behold, and so I called her to express my condolences. We spoke for a bit-or rather she spoke at length and told me all about her and her families near brush fire with fame and fortune hunting. The next day she called me back just to make sure that I wasn't working for a tabloid... I laughed.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Below is an example of how Craigslist Ads for actors have gone too far. However, this is what actors have to wade through to find shit these days if they aren't rep'd by a top tier agent:
2005-05-16, 9:15AM EDT

"I'm shooting my senior thesis film and one of my lead characters needs to be a hermaphrodite. I'm looking for a mostly feminine looking person with a vagina and something that can be approximated as a penis. My thesis is not porn, but it includes hardcore sex. I also need a male actor who is comfortable doing a sex scene with a hermy. Compensation: meal"

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

...still getting emails for Kerry (as in John) meetups. What a joke. We lost, he's finished, kaput. I met him and am sad to say that, but it's true. He got a "Swift" kick in the crotch which he never got up from, and we're getting screwed now b/c the rest of our country couldn't tell a man from an ape.... anyway, this just came in the inbox today. Pathetic... what, do they want to lose the next election too? After the organizer of these so-called meetups appealed for money (ala paypal) from meet-uppers to keep going, there came a retraction soonafter (written in some weird GWBush-esque double speak too... is Casey one of us, or one of them? Or... a feriner 2 boot... ah betchya he is, string 'im up Karl...):

"Your organizer, Casey, sent the following message to the members of NYC Democrats: Everyone who sent funds, those funds were returned, it was just a screening process and I was going to return everyone's funds anyway, yet I get yelled at and a lot of people leave. You're welcome." ?????????????????????????????

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Gettin' tired as fuck. I caterwaited 2night fer more rich folks at some Whitney thing (they do have interestin' art there, stuff that'd make Big Giuli mad fer sure) and left exhausted of brain and body. I've got a wheel barrel fulla witty anecdotes (promises promises) and tantalizing snippets of nothingness that are zinging through my ever popping whateveryoumacallits, but they'll have to wait. I tell you, I'd write more often if every time I logged onto this thing I didn't have to make sure certain past entries don't revert to earlier prehistoric states (if you know what i'm talking about here and can provide an answer to this I'll buy you a drink). So.. here's the last bit-o-honey for y'all until next time, and it's a Liver Sport retort (you know me too well... as I can't openly talk about my sex life on here, and I've alredy bitter honey'd you 2 death 2night, what's left but some lil' blurb about the great American past-time, idol chit chat to call it that: Mike Cameron... love this guy. I was a defacto Mets fan as a kid (Dad's fam were Bk Dodger fans until they swore off Baseball when O'Malley took the money and ran), so (except for '85 and Pedro), I get a thrill when they do ok. Cammy is fun. He came back recently from an injury and reentered Right Field at the right time as Rookie phenom Victor Diaz was losing his Manny Ramirez-ness. He immediately started hitting, and 8 games later is still on fire. The Yanks (of course), Padres, Angels, Orioles and Astros all want him, but his response to questions about that is: "that's what them dudes in suits do over there." Yes, it's a beautiful world we live in.

I'd rather be a camel driver in Morocco then a swine herder in Castillo

Don't ask...

ok, little time to write, but backed up like a mofo. Getting my new band together (yet again), hoping I don't fall into the same trap of trusting ass holes. Band divorces as you know, are fucking hell, and don't give me that "there's been no fluids exchanged crap", money changes hands w/in bands quicker then with any signif other, and we do share mics in the rehersal room...

Not what I wanted to talk about here. Nor do I want to spend much time on a liver sport report. The Yanx are celler dweelers and I don't care that the Sawx are in 2nd b/c... the Yanx are celler dwellers. Here's a quote though from the always quotable Dave "Big Papi" Ortiz-glad he's comin' around and not dwelling on Petey Martinez's unsavory exit from the AL anymore-this came during a turning point game for Boston recently after he drove in Trotsky Nixon: "I was just praying to get a hit man. I haven't got a hit in a long time, it's been tough up there man. My part of the game is hitting, if I don't hit it's like I'm just stealing money"... I'm happy that I minly stick to baseball as a fan. No matter what kind of roid barry Bonds muscles into his butt cheet or gamma radiated flaxseed cream that he rubson his coctail peanut sized scrotum the wrong way, the sport doesn't have a Shaq to contend with. The puny human Nets stood no chance in hell against the Miami monster. they were so frightenend in their air jordans that when Shaqzilla wasn't clobberin' and Wade had been stayed they were still Vince-able... poor Carter. Makes you think that had Shaq been on the attack when his Airness was rulin' the court that the Bulls might not have won as much as they did. O'Neal, cross-eyed monster or not, is well-deserved of being right up there with Wilt Chamberlin as the 2 greatest big men of all time, hands down. Jordan had those rare air leadership qualities, no doubt, combined w/ a tendancy for 50 pt. playoff games, but intimidation's a factor in Basketball more than any other sport. You got 5 guys to hold 'em, not 9...

I really have to split now, but will leave you with some Succinct Celebrity Reviews from my first-hand viewing as a F**king server at the Chanel Costume Ball last week at the Met:

Marylyn Manson-will make a smoothe transision to circus clown

P Diddy-has his bodyguard go to the john with him

Russel Simmons-take the baseball cap off, you're wearing a tux

Linda Evangelista-gorgeous hawk lady

Richard Gere-sports same squinty-eyed hamster look as ever, white hair or not

Andree 3000-def. regretted wearing the same outfit as us waiters (though we didn't have a yarmulka on.. what was with that?) Nice (short) guy though.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olson- didn't eat (surprise surprise), but neither did Jake Gylenhall (who was larger then those two flyin' monkey lookin' chicks put together)

Vanessa Paradise-looks like a junkie, or at least like she was a junkie

Karl Lagerfield-lose the silver gloves gramps

Naomi Watts-poor woman's Nicole Kidman

Kevin Costner-I got him 2 glasses of milk

Lauren Bush-plain and lovin' tevery minute of fame she shouldn't have

Jimmy Fallon-ditto, but sorta funny at least (not so sure about that actually, what's funny is that he actually is considered to be a romantic lead in a film? Who's runnin' this show?)


More to come...