Thursday, February 08, 2007

fashion weak

So, I'd be remiss if I didn't blog something about the first ever fashion week held in NYC (ultra "yeah, right!!!"), now wouldn't I? Fashion Weak, held 4 weeks a month 12 months a year, represents a gathering and celebration of rich gay people and the clothes they where. The industry hopes that if there's enough hype around certain designers with Italian French hybrid names, that the price of blue jeans and dresses eventually to be made by slaves in impoverished nations can rise above the average monthly income of a so-called middle class family. The absurdity of this event is best encapsulated in a statement made by emerging designer Monica Moss (ok, she's not French or Italian in name, but she does, according to her press kit, radiate "beauty, originality and joyfullness"). Here goes: "fashion is a photograph of the soul"... truer words have not been spoken, my friends, I mean, how fucking profound can a mannequin get? Thank God her family "quickly recognized her talent" at an early age. Moss then showed "a strong conviction and determination to become a notable fashion designer"... this chick had a plan, man...

Now, it's unfair for Snot to just pick on her, as she is a Bolivian fox, if nothing else. It was her "philosophy" (that ignorant quote you just read) that led me to "feature" her, if you will. Fashion Weak is way more than the some of one individual's stupidity. I went to a few of these events, and it's all a crock. Don't get me wrong, as these were and are very important events, made evident by the intimidating, complex security measures enforced that keep the riff-raff (read: fashion challenged, not in-the-know, un-high cheek boned, smart and straight) elements out. I couldn't get into many of these damn things, for you know, who am I to view amazon imbeciles prancing in formation wearing threads that I'll never see on the rack, huh? I did get into some of the she-she afterparties though, and managed to partake a plenty of the free alcohol-a necessity when you don't even get a 2nd look from the higher than thou lower than I.Q. girls around you (and I'm not exactly chopped liver). Hey, I've actually even done the runway thang myself, it's like "voila, 20 seconds and over, people clap b/c you're fucking wearing some clothes... whoop de doo", but Fashion Weak makes me want to run away, period. You may pine for some of these beauts when you see em' in the magazine spreads, but when they're standing next to you like mutant gazelles on acid, they have diminished appeal, and that's the truth. That's why it's so hard to get into Fashion Weak, b/c they don't want you to know that. Now, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't kick a model out of bed for eating crackers (which they won't, b/c they don't eat), but what is the big deal here?

Sigh... it is a big deal though, and we shop like we breathe in this country, ready to knock over the next guy as if a new item of clothing was a last gasp of oxygen. This apparently makes it important that we celebrate this industry all the many weeks during the year that we hold "Fashion Weak". Aside from the occasional gift bag, free drink and opportunity to see gay males make utter fools of themselves at parties, I think this repetitive occurance is pretty lame... I may change my mind though if a sweet-ass armani suit fell in my lap after it (said lap) had been danced upon by Kate Moss (or Monica Moss). I may even honor Fashion Weak as Fashion Week should the both of them then follow my Armani-clad ass back to my humble Lower East Side abode and spread their magazines with me... more than once. a related story, the NY Post said today that a majority of women surveyed would "give up sex for 15 months if they could get a new wardrobe in return"... now does this illustrate the difference in the 2 (there are 2, right?) sexes, or what?!? Imagine asking guys the same thing, I think all of 'em, straight or gay or hybrid would say a profound "too hell with that"...

... in yet another related story, The Post (again) stated that a recent study suggests that "sweaty guys get the girls"... not at fashion week yo. And not at any of the places I've been to in NYC where girls are supposedly there for the getting. True, when I haven't washed my hair for a few days chix comment on it, but that's hair sweat, or grease, not b.o. brother. Smelling like an old gym sock doesn't get you anything but the people sitting on the subway near you to move away.

That's it.

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