Vent.

I just need to vent today. Been years since I have used this space for things not politics. Yes, we're having our Kakistocracy and eating it too, all hell is breaking loose on the sex harassment front and WWIII is imminent, but I have a life to live and it's getting harder to fucking live it. I feel like i'm being ripped apart by the elements at light speed, heart attack City here. Can't afford to live can't afford to die. Today, was a shit day. The kind of day when I'm reminded that I'm not really living, and definitely not living my life. I felt pushed and pulled every which way. It started out with a raging toothache -this after spending over a $1000 on oral surgery a week ago, thankfully "only" owing 20% of that- walking out of my apt. to find my c--t of a next door neighbor had kicked over my dooremat, which I'd taped down, yet again. Mind you, this childish imbecile bitch has been doing that EVERY DAY for almost 2 years now...??? I only taped it down recently as I'd had, well, let's say more than enough. Maybe the day was carrying over from the experience I had last night where I was at movie and received a call with 20 minutes left to it to participate in a focus group. Naturally, in my impoverished state I had to take the call. $100 is like a million to me these days. So I answered the 20 questions asked for a 2nd time and missed the end of the film only to hear from her "You're a good fit, but we've filled our quota"... why the fuck put me through that then? Answering the same questions I'd already asked online to boot, all the same. I gave it to her on the phone saying "I just missed the end of this film, don't fucking call me if you're over fucking quota!" So, today... I then have a good audition for a regional play; a play I don't want to do cuz it pays shit and will take up months but beggars can't be choosers or snoozers, and then a costume fitting for yet another short, one I do want to do but one that's kinda been driving me crazy with their over-marketing on Facebook, though they're supposed to be paying me more than the avg. short, and then, I head home to shave and change and then go to a TV audition -something that comes around for me about as much as a solar eclipse happens- only to be told AFTER I'd started not to do an accent, even though I'd prepared one AS THAT'S WHAT IT SAID ON THE FUCKING CHARACTER DESCRIPTION IN THE EMAIL. It unnerved me, and, well I sucked. A roles made for me I delivered with no confidence as I was thrown. i cannot afford to have this happen man. Who's fault it this? Well, seeing that I got an email earlier that I was being considered for another role in a new show shooting out of town but my agent said I was 5'5" (I'm 6'1"), I have to blame in on my Reps. Now, I know they're doing shit fast, as we all are, and mistakes are made, like the Dotard cut-pasting a response to the latest massacre, and every fucking bg casting post that fills up my inbox with the wrong date and/or for a young black female amputee who's a real doctor and has a period car, but don't fuck with me personally like this man. I spend two whole days perfecting that British accent when I didn't need to do one? My time is important, my life is dwindling, I do everything right and expect nothing less but the same from others, kapeesh? Instead I feel walked all over, chewed up, spit out, what have you. Honestly, I can't take it anymore. I deserve better than this and when I get it, or IF I get it, I ain't holding back like so many others who sit on their wealth and fame. Fuck that shit, let it ride baby, I'm ready to fight. Been fighting all my life and if I'm a contender I'm gonna make those moments in the ring COUNT.... Aaaaargh. I know that all sounds like hot headed egotistical bs, but I'm at the end of my rope with EVERYTHING man, what can I say? Uncle? I am one already. The best too.